Massimo and Silvia

The Special Child

We belong to different generations: Silvia was born in 1994 and Massimo in 1973. Quite wealthy families, but humble ancestors in the recent past. This is very normal in Italy and it may be a big issue, because in Italy there is a strong difference between rich and bourgeois people: bourgeois are rich, but rich are not always bourgeois. Italian culture is completely bourgeois of course.

Both of us (in different years, but with the same symptoms) experienced a status we are used to call "the special child". The special child is unusual: they may be very creative, but they are not real geniuses like Picasso or Beethoven. They can make this or that, but almost without discipline. They can do this today and forget it tomorrow. They are skilled but they are not professional, so schooling is a tragedy.

The special child is almost unable to play with other kids, they dream a lot, they invent alternative worlds and sometimes a peculiar language. They may be very disturbing in a children's community. They belong and at the same time they don't belong to their parents. This is odd, and has no explanation. We can barely explain it even now.

Both of us were bullied (Massimo still has a physical sign on his face). Both of us understood very soon that our sexuality was unexpected and rampant, but not libertine: we were looking for a stable partner to witness our whole Self.

We became very soon post-porn artists. Our movies don't feature any other performer but us. Our art is always very explicit.

We suffered from the lack of vitality of our families. We soon understood that there was kinda secret, but what? We still don't know, just a sensation. And this secret keeps life away from our environment.

We understood very soon that (our) sexuality was not forbidden, but it was not encouraged. It had to be common and normal, just a proof of good health. Our own sexuality as a real couple may be judged as a mental disease in Italy and in our family context. Moreover, we also wanted to live as artists, and sex became our core business. So we are not what they expected us to be.

Since we have started working in porn art, we decided to leave Italy. Lots of Italians do it and the common opinion is that they are obliged by the lack of possibilities. We think that going abroad is a major solution to leave both the environment and the family without seeming traitors. Because Mom and Dad can't tell you you don't have to work. They have to accept it. They taught us that work is important.

The special child tends to be very dappled, both masculine and feminine, performer and crossdresser, polite and badass. It's very difficult to understand and to transform all of this in a common behaviour and in a balanced identity. Of course the families want you to be very normal.

The sibling of one of us had a homosexual experience (the very first sexual experience in their life) and the familiar reaction was disappointed and disappointing. Especially if you think that this family was accustomed to be very gay-friendly, used to participate in Pride parades and had no religion. That's another point of Italy: atheism doesn't always mean a more open mind/behaviour.

All of our siblings never had a stable romantic and/or sexual engagement; none of them has ever had children. In the meantime, we were what we used to call special children. So we can notice that something went wrong in different ways, but we can't understand what. In Italy, diversity is a value as long as it's useful or is permitted only for singular individuals (often artists) that are considered like jesters (very few ones).

Both of us have tried to talk to our families of our nonbinary nature and we never had any support on this topic. It simply looks odd.

Every day we experiment with problems and solutions, art and feedback, self-help and helping others. Every day we learn how not to feel hate. Identity can't be separated from our native environment. Now we can forgive and somehow respect that environment from our new homeland. But we left it, and that's it.